Always
by wolfergirl
Summary: So another fic where the unthinkable happens...the product of a bored mind in an English class. Castle reflects on the world without his muse. R&R if you're so inclined, hope you enjoy :D


It had happened yesterday. They were strolling through the park, feeling the wind breezing through their hair, listening to the birds chirping as they flew from branch to branch. Then, a scream. They jumped up, scanning the kids in the playground, hoping, wanting it to just be a game. The scream came again, and they knew that it was real. The chase began, then, darting across roads, in and out of cars, snatching a glance down each alley they passed, searching for the source.

"Castle!" She'd been the one to find it, only giving a moment's thought to yelling his name before leaping into the fray.

One girl, two attackers.

Men.

A punch here, a kick there.

Three shots.

Two dead.

She falls. His heart stops as he skids to a halt by the entrance to the alley. She's down, but bounces up, making her way to the victim. He hears names, sees gestures, feels the girl's wary eyes on him. Sees his friend sag with relief, before gently guiding the younger girl towards the light of the main road.

"We'll take her in," she says, but he doesn't hear. All he can concentrate on is the scarlet stain on her jeans, that's spreading, slowly, seeping through the fibres and looking almost artistic. "Castle?" She feels his gaze on her leg, and her head drops to see what the problem is. "Oh." He darts forward to catch her. Lowers her. Takes off his coat and stuffs it under her head.

"Beckett, come on. Come on, girl, stay with me." He fumbles for his phone, punching in the numbers. "I need an ambulance! Now!" he barks, more scared than he wants to admit.

He takes her leg and grasps it tightly, heels of his hands jammed on the wound.

She whimpers.

He whispers an apology. He can hear the sirens now, screeching along the roads. "Help's here, Kate, hold on. Almost there." He's not sure who he's comforting. She opens her eyes and grimaces.

"It hurts, Castle," she moans.

"I know," he soothes, craning his neck to see the paramedics sprint down towards them. "You'll be fixed in no time. Just hang on in there." They take her leg from him, tearing her jeans, preparing a stretcher. Blood spurts in time with his thumping heart, paused by the crisp, clean bandages that are immediately replaced. He tells them her name, her age.

No, he says, she has no allergies.

Yes, he can call her father. They try to leave him there, tell him to follow. She doesn't agree, gripping his shirt with surprising strength as she passes, dragging him with her. They relent, and he sits next to her, texting Jim and letting Lanie know too. Ryan leaves a message to tell him they've got the girl.

Is it bad that he doesn't care? Feels no sympathy for the girl who was attacked? All he can feel is the terror rising up inside him that his Kate may not make it.

They arrive at the hospital. Burst through the doors, greeted by the smell of disinfectant. Doctors swarm around them, separating him from her, but they don't count on the stubbornness that is Katherine Beckett.

"Castle!" She latches onto him again, but it's weaker this time. With a strained smile he peels her fingers off and tucks it by her side. "No! Don't-" she's broken off by a cough and a gasp for breath.

"I'll see you soon, Beckett. Hang on in there." They wheel her away from him, and he takes a few steps with her. "I love you, Katherine Beckett. Don't you ever forget that." He catches a glimpse of her tear-streaked face, eyes wide, mouth gasping. He can't speak. He can't watch. All he can do is hold on to the memory of her voice whispering her response as she disappears in a wave of white cloth and complicated phrases.

"Always."

* * *

It had happened yesterday. Now, he was with the boys at the precinct. They were at her desk; not touching, not sitting, just remembering.

Looking at it all. Her elephants, her pens.

Her mountain of paperwork that had never been graced with her great mind.

With a sigh, he placed his coffee on her coaster, automatically ducking as he dodged her playful slap. When it didn't arrive, he looked up, and caught sight of the looks on Esposito and Ryan's faces. Like they'd had something bad to eat, he wanted to say.

He didn't, though. That would be too normal.

His stomach twists at the word.

Normal.

Normal was when he woke up with Kate and worked with Beckett: two halves of a world that could never meet. That was normal.

Yesterday, those two halves had met. Collided, in fact. Never to be the same again.

Lost in his own world, he didn't notice the boys slip out of the room. He collapsed into her chair, holding his head in his hands. It wasn't fair. How could such an intelligent, beautiful, caring human being like his Beckett be taken from him? He cleared a space on the crowded desk and placed his head carefully on his arms, breathing in her lingering scent. His fingers brushed at the edge of her desk, feeling the smooth wood, his brow crinkling as his fingers found small indents on the otherwise immaculate surface.

Raising his head, he traced the letters and smiled, a sob rising in his throat.

KBxRC.

Turning back to the half empty space in front of him, he caught sight of a leather bound book. Tugging it carefully from its position underneath the various sheets of paper still scattered around, he flipped open the cover, a small smile lifting the corners of his mouth.

'Property of Katherine Beckett. Keep out. I have a gun.' was written in her scrawl on the first page.

Flicking through, he read snippets of what seemed like diary entries, eliciting scowls - "Richard Castle, ruggedly handsome? More like royally annoying." - chuckles - "Something about Castle is fascinating. Can't tell him, though. Far too much of an ego boost." - and sad sighs - "He's very sweet, you know that? I just wish I had the guts to tell him." - from the writer.

As he read on, his name began appearing more often, thankfully in positive ways, highlighting at least the way he had been growing on her. Soon, the words blurred, and the memories flowed, transporting him to a place where it was just him and her, and their lives were full of bliss. When he got to the last page, dated yesterday, he was jolted back to the present by the hastily written, one-word, entry.

"Always."

* * *

It had happened yesterday. Lying in bed, he gazed at the ceiling, letting the tears drip mournfully down his face.

Her side of the bed was cold.

His side dipped more. He felt like he was rolling off a precipice, no obvious return, no way of climbing back up.

There was an empty space in his chest, much like there was next to him between the crisp sheets. Drawing in a deep breath, his mind floated to her face. The hazel of her eyes, the sweep of her auburn hair, the way her eyebrow lifted suspiciously at him.

Like earlier, a sob choked him, but this time he let it go. His body wracked with jolting breaths, salty tears pouring freely. Turning to face the void in his bed, his heart squeezed like it wanted to curl up and disappear.

Closing his eyes, Richard Castle remembered the last proper conversation he'd had with the woman who had been so much more than a muse; a best friend, a shoulder to cry on, a babysitter, but most of all a soul mate.

"Thank you, Castle."

"For what?"

"For-" she gestured around the room -"you know, everything. Thank you."

"If you're allowed to thank me for something completely natural-" here, she snorted, sending him an amused look, - "thank you for putting up with me. Love you."

She touched her forehead to his, and stroked his jaw gently.

"Always."

* * *

**Hm. Well, this was a bit of an experiment on my part. I thought of it while in English, analysing Duffy's 'In your mind'…and this evolved…yeah. It doesn't really happen at a specific time (I'm relatively new to Castle, and as I live in the UK haven't worked out a way to see the more recent episodes), and may completely rubbish. But hey ho :P oh yeah, and I'm British. So there might be incorrect (as far as American English is concerned) spellings or phrases or whatever. Just don't shoot me :D**

**Review if you'd like to, please. At the moment I'm going through a phrase of read and follow but don't review, so I'll quite understand :D**

**Hope you enjoyed it**

**~wolfergirl**

**Today's Bible verse: "And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." ****Colossians 3:17****NIV**


End file.
